I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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