im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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