i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
