Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
sex in a hospital.. check
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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