I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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