How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
