They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
