I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
