She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
