and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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