I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
