loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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