I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
