Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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