that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
