When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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