There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
