I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i've created a new STD.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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