final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
