The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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