Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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