people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
