Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You took a bar mat shot.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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