It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm sobbing to NWA
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
