I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
jump out the window naked night went bad
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize