Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
