I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
