capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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