you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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