DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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