stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
