I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
