I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
