With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
