What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
