Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
