Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
