tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
