She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
