that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
