Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
