shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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