Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
