I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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