theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
