My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
should my penis look like a turkey
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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