you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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