hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
