Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I lost the right to judge tonight
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
