I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
