Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
