if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize