i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I need to sanitize my soul.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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