The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
