I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
