Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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