just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
