My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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