when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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