You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize