Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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