You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she pinky promised me she was 18
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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