So drunk its hurt
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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