I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
