Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
