You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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