you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
