I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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