We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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