We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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