Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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