i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
birth control should be required to get into college
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
